The financial aid office feels the need to penalize me because of the brain injury. The short version is that I owe them a bunch of money since I withdrew from my classes past the add/drop date. When that day came and went, I had no idea that I was going to sustain an injury that would put me out of commission for six months! My aid was revoked? because of the withdrawal past the date? It looks like my choices were to stay in my classes and likely fail since I'm not in a position to learn advanced level psychology...I mean, I'm having to learn how to plan one activity at a time! I have to learn how to put things together again to make a whole...forget about understanding complex theories. So my options were failing classes and keeping the aid or not being able to register because I owe them a bunch of money. I sure hope there is an appeal process because I don't believe this is fair or ethical. It's just that learning these simple things is hard enough! Add this financial aid fiasco, and I'm pushed past my current endurance capacity? I am going to my contact at the advocacy agency; right now, I need help understanding all the aspects of stuff, planning the best options and determining what's right and wrong. I wouldn't put it past some of these people to use the TBI against me.
I'm also discouraged today because I started thinking about the stuff I had planned. In October or November, I decided I wanted to see if I could get some of my work published in one of the lesser known psychology journals. It's best for undergrad students to try for one of these rather than the national journals that are almost impossible for even doctorate submissions. Um, I'm not sure if I wrote that last sentence properly. I was also planning on going to the RMPA, which is our regional psychological association. It's just disappointing that both of those things have to be put on hold. I was working through that when I got the news about financial aid.
Finally, it really drives me nuts when people ask what I'm doing with my free time. I did not choose to withdraw just for fun! Even though it might look like I'm sitting here playing with stuff, I'm not! Shape puzzles, Legos and the like are helping build new connections in my brain. I still need a lot of rest, and handling stress is very difficult since I don't have the right stuff to do that right now. Even mild stress seems overwhelming, and that's because it is literally over my brain's capacity to cope. There is just so much misconception about brain injury. For that reason, I am so thankful for the people who are helping me along the way. You are all so amazing, and your support means more than I can say. One thing that's really quite difficult is the embarrassment about my problems speaking. I often stutter, mix words up, have to carefully pronounce words with more than two syllables... At least, when I'm writing, I can look back at what someone says and take time to figure it out. I can look at what I have written in response and review it to see if it makes sense. People don't have to worry about the stuttering and slower speech. Most people don't know about the discomfort I feel when I try to communicate verbally. I think that, after the latest stressor is under some control, I will start talking to some trusted people on Skype, via phone, etc. I will choose people who have been supportive...those who won't give me a hard time when stuff doesn't come out right. Anyway, done writing for the day! Thanks for reading!
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